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Judgment is the cornerstone and cause of unhappiness in all its forms. 

At the root of almost all forms of emotional distress - including anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, and anger, as well as addictions - lies judgment and grievance, and a need to forgive.  The more forgiving one is, the more peaceful, joyful, satisfied and fulfilled.

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That is because judgment blocks the divine flow of love, inner peace, stillness, and rest into us and through us.  It is like a dam, blocking the flow of a cool stream of refreshing and revitalizing water from us. 

 

Judgment is often the result of grievance, the experience of a real or imagined wrong, of unfair treatment.  By others, by the world, even by our notion of God.  It is the result of internal unhappiness and negativity.  

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Many of us carry old grievances and judgments, adding new ones as we travel through life.  This becomes a very heavy load to carry and one that we don't even know we're carrying.  As justified as such grievances and judgments feel to us, they unwittingly separate us from our truest Self, our highest potential, our peace, creativity, strength, resilience, and our happiness. 

 

Chronic grievance and judgment contributes as well to poor health in all areas including cardiovascular reactivity and blood pressure.  Studies have shown that those who are more forgiving have a lower risk of heart attack, have less depression and anxiety, have fewer interpersonal problems, and are less likely to drink alcohol.  They also experience better marital communication and enjoy more satisfying marriages.  Judgment often leads to irritation, anger, or rage.  Judging ourselves negatively can go from remorse to guilt, shame, self-pity, and ultimately self-loathing.  All of these forms of judgment, whether to others or to ourselves, are highly toxic.

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Following a meaningful betrayal, the work of forgiveness is not easy.  Nor is it overnight.  When we have been betrayed - in our marriages, our families, and in our closest relationships - the hurt is deep and profound.  Following marital infidelity, for example, our natural and human reaction can be rage, a desire for vengeance, and a burning, stinging pain in our core. We may not want to forgive.  We may feel that he or she does not deserve to be forgiven. And it may take time, perhaps even a long time, before we would even consider forgiving that person.  All of the above makes all the sense in the world, based on our ego's perspective.  

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However, as the saying goes, He or she who holds the anger  (which is a form of judgment) ... drinks the poison. And it is, indeed, a poison - to our mental, emotional, and physical health, as well as to  our spiritual health.  It is a profound obstacle to our ability to experience inner peace, and often an obstacle to our ability to cultivate and enjoy new relationships.  The anger, resentment, and judgment we feel has no effect, however, on the betrayer.  It only hurts us, imprisoning ourselves in bitterness.  

 

​When we judge others or ourselves, we are essentially holding the wrongdoer in a prison cell.  The problem is that we, ourselves, are then effectively tethered to the outside of that same prison cell, in the role of  prison guard, holding the key to the cell, and making sure the prisoner never escapes.  We have thus made ourselves prisoner as well. 

 

When we live in self-condemnation, i.e. guilt, that guilt is both our judgment and our punishment.  Because guilt is its own prison cell.  In those cases, we are tethered to both the inside and the outside of the prison cell as prisoner and prison guard, trapped in a world of despair and hopelessness.  

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We are all created innocent children of Spirit, of God, of the Creative Force or Divine Energy from which we come.  In this world, we see forgiveness as as an act of pardoning someone for a wrongdoing.  We glare at the wrongdoing first and then decide whether to "forgive" it.  Sometimes we may say, 'I'll forgive but I'll never forget.' 

 

A Course in Miracles teaches that there is no guilt in anyone because only love is real.  Whenever one does anything that is not loving, it is a cry for love because of some state of fear  (a lack of inner peace) where he or she is in the dark and disconnected from the Truth of his or her innocence.  As the saying goes, hurt people hurt people.  Our Higher function, which is always a choice, is to ​see through the illusion of guilt, to the innocence that lies beyond - in everyone, including and most notably, in ourselves.  How we see everyone in the world is a reflection of how we see and feel about ourselves, because this world is a huge, illusory mirror.  This shift in perspective allows us to look beyond the errors of another's behavior - what someone did or said - to their holiness within.  From this vantage point, there is nothing to forgive.  However, because we live in a world of ego, The Course teaches us that forgiveness is the only illusion we need - in order to escape from all of the others. 

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So the process of forgiveness is a process of deliberate selective remembering only the inherent good and innocence in others and in ourselves.  It is a release from the illusion of our sinfulness or 'badness.'    

In no way does this overlook or minimize the fact that when we or others are acting from our ego's fear-based perspective, we continuously hurt ourselves and each other - sometimes recklessly and sometimes intentionally.  Thus, forgiveness does not  condone hurtful behavior nor suggest that we should allow ourselves to be subject or victim to it.  We can leave abusive relationships or create distance from those that attack or hurt us.  However, we can do that without holding judgment against them.  Because hurtful behavior does not define the actor.  It does demonstrate that there is fear and hurt that is being displaced outward and into the world. 

 

The judgment that we hold is like a sword that we won't let go of.  If and when we do make the choice to release it, we can gently place it at our feet and then notice, when we happen to look down again, that is has vanished.

 

But if and when we are ready, we often don't know how to even start the work of forgiveness.  How to soften a hard heart?  Where is the lever to pull or the button to push to forgive? There is no lever or button.  It's not like going to the gym.  There is no muscle group to work out.  The work of forgiveness is not a "doing."  It's an undoing.  It is a letting go, a surrender of sorts.  It's a release of something, not an action.  And in order to release or let go of anything, we must first notice and become aware of where and what we're holding, or holding onto.  Next comes learning how to let go.  This is the profound, yet subtle, ​​​work of forgiveness.

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For almost everyone on this planet, releasing judgment is very hard work.  It calls for almost constant vigilance to the ways of the ego.   It requires a deliberate shift in perspective from seeing ourselves and each other as limited, "sin"-based creations, to a compassionate lens that sees all negative and hurtful energy in ourselves and others, as emanating from emotional pain, from wounds and hurt, and from disconnection from Spirit.  Forgiveness requires such a shift in perspective and a corresponding energetic shift on a visceral level.  It is well worth the effort, however, for it is the key to happiness.