The research has shown that the most important factor in the ultimate effectiveness of your psychotherapy is your degree of comfort, trust, and emotional rapport and connection with your therapist. That should always be the number one most significant consideration, which is often irrelevant of gender. If you’re seeking individual psychotherapy and you’ve always felt more able to speak openly, candidly, and comfortably with someone of your own gender — or, for that matter, to someone of the opposite gender — that is a very important consideration. So, whether you’re a man or woman, if you tend to “relate” better to, and to “be at ease” more with, men or women, that’s an extremely important consideration.

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If you came from a household where your mom was more “emotional” or comfortable expressing feelings than was your dad, you may be more likely to be more at ease sharing your feelings with a woman rather than a man — regardless of your own gender.​ 

 

It is not unusual that many men, particularly those raised in traditional households, tend to be less comfortable talking about feelings than do women.   As a result, such men may feel more comfortable talking about feelings with other men with whom they may feel more comfortable and understood. 

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• If you’re a woman in relationship with a man where sexual issues are prevalent, it may be helpful to choose a male therapist whom your spouse can relate to, particularly if he is reticent or ambivalent about even getting counseling in the first place.

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• A male psychotherapist, able to talk about feelings openly, can help to model such communication for men who are not accustomed to "feelings talk." Separate and apart from the substance of what is discussed in therapy sessions, therapists model healthy communication and adaptive behavior. The psychological imprint of such experience can go much much deeper than words alone in bringing about new potentials in your male partner.

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• Regardless of your gender, even if you’re usually more comfortable speaking and relating to a woman about intimate feelings because of your lack of trust or comfort or trust with men, it could be extremely therapeutic to have the experience of connecting with a trustworthy and compassionate male therapist as a new paradigm for connection with men.  

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• Gay male couples may feel more likely to resonate with a male counselor because of their own gender, sexual and emotional issues, comfort, and predispositions.​

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